5 Signs of a Healthy Family
Is your family functional? Do you want to build healthy relationships? In this post, you will identify 5 signs of a functional family and become aware of your actions to build healthy relationships.
Boundaries & Respect
Boundaries are necessary for kids, it’s healthy for them to have a routine. You cannot leave your child on the couch eating cookies until midnight and playing video games most of the day. When parents model healthy boundaries for their children, they learn to have boundaries for themselves. I am not talking about the type of authoritarian and controlling parents who need to control and have the last word with some punishment “Shut up and do what I say”. I am talking about reasonable boundaries that come from a firm and compassionate self. In a healthy family, boundaries are respected, and family members have their own privacy and individuality. Above all, there is respect for decisions, values, and expression of self-identity. Respect is a human value, no name calling, no controlling or humiliating others.
Accountability
This is a big one. When a family member is healthy, they take accountability and responsibility for their actions. From what I`ve noticed over the years, what differentiates an abusive parent from a healthy parent is accountability, owning the behavior, and repairing it. If your family members never apologized or owned their behavior, it’s something to be aware of. Taking accountability shows maturity because the person is willing to look inside themselves. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence to do this, and this is a sign of strength. We all have something to work on, we all make mistakes, there is always something to be accountable for.
Conflict Resolution
When there is an argument, a healthy family will put effort into having an open dialogue about what happened and there is reflection on what they could have done differently. A healthy family system wants to work towards a resolution, instead of brushing things under the rug or not addressing the elephant in the room. When a healthy family member wants to resolve something, they will open a dialogue and offer active listening instead of invalidation, avoidance, and blaming.
Open Communication
Same as the above, there is open communication almost about anything not only when there is a conflict. Of course, there are healthy boundaries in place, but there is also consent for conversations. There is no humiliation, no bullying, no defensiveness, and no immature conversations. Active listening, openness, empathy, connection, compassion, and patience are necessary for open communication. Otherwise, it will not work. In healthy open communications, you can express your needs and wants without imposing on the other person. Being assertive is the key. Ask yourself, how can we work with this? How can I improve myself in this situation? What’s my part in this? What is my part and what is not?
No Abuse or Neglect
And of course, in healthy relationships there is no abuse of any kind, there is respect above all. Even if there is no agreement on values or ideas, there is respect. In a healthy family, there is no neglect, and when I say neglect, I am referring to basic needs but also emotional needs. Parents must provide shelter, clothes, and food; however, emotional neglect is as hurtful. Kids who experience emotional neglect spend hours and days by themselves, in front of the TV, playing video games for hours, on the screen for long periods of time or they are simply ignored.
Another type of emotional neglect is when the parents want to compensate for their absence by excessively buying things for their children, so they can feel that they fulfilled their role as a parent. This is emotional neglect. Healthy parents spend time with their kids and prioritize quality of time and connection.
Conclusion
There is no perfect family, this is not a fairy tale. Of course, there are times when things will be difficult, and we will need to have hard conversations, however, if healthy parents offer a safe space, connection, accountability, and respect, I`d say that this is a functional relationship. Not perfect, but healthy. If you want structured sessions and professional help with healing childhood trauma, feel free to contact me for a 20-minute consultation call or book an appointment to see how I might be able to help you.
